


something you'd miss

by theresnourieandme



Series: step into the daylight and let it go [1]
Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Inspired by Taylor Swift, M/M, One Shot Collection, Song Lyrics, Song: Last Kiss (Taylor Swift)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:13:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23783683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theresnourieandme/pseuds/theresnourieandme
Summary: I wanna be defined by the things that I loveNot the things I hateNot the things I'm afraid of, I'm afraid ofThe things that haunt me in the middle of the night, II just think that you are what you love
Relationships: Ricky Bowen/E.J. Caswell
Series: step into the daylight and let it go [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1810069
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	something you'd miss

**_I still remember the look on your face_ **

**_Lit through the darkness at 1:58_ **

**_The words that you whispered_ **

**_For just us to know_ **

**_You told me you loved me_ **

**_So why did you go away_**

Ricky stared at the entrance of the old house. Before going in, he exhaled heavily just to help take his mind off of the memories. He turned the key in the lock and the white door opened with a strange noise. The wallpaper was the same as always, but the pictures that hung on the wall were different. Now there were unknown faces of some unfamiliar friends, fake smiles plastered on every face. In a few pictures, there was a woman with her child, the child growing older in every frame as he passed through the hallway. The last one was a picture taken with a low-quality camera, and it showed a woman, different from the other, holding a baby. Ricky scoffed, looking at his mother smiling in the last frame. She seemed happy, but Ricky knew it hadn't really been like that for ages.

"Ricky!" His dad noticed him in the dim light of the hallway, and ran up to him, enveloping him in a big and warm hug. Ricky hugged him back, but he was not as happy to see his dad as he was. "How are you? How is uni going?"

"All good," he began, ignoring the first question completely, "but the last exam didn’t go as well as the others." He felt a pit in his stomach, and right after, an odd sense of guilt. He didn't know why, he just wanted to go in his old room and cry for a while. Not just because he had fought with Big Red last night, but for all that had happened in the past two months.

"I should probably tell you…I’m not sure you noticed, but Anne lives here now. And she insisted on making your old room her painting space. Hope you don't mind?"

Ricky, even though he was on the verge of crying, bit his lower lip and shook his head. "I'm going upstairs. Call me when dinner's ready."

His dad looked like he was about to say something, but then sighed and let him go without a word. Maybe he remembered how hard of a time this was for Ricky.

Ricky reached the top of the steps and opened the door to his old room, letting out a shaking sigh when he saw the painting supplies covering the floor. He smiled bitterly and went inside, not even bothering to turn the lights on. Ricky closed the door behind him and leaned against it, running a hand through his curls. Memories invaded his head in a moment and he shut his eyes almost unwillingly. There was no way he was going to escape that.

_They sat on the bed, exhausted from the dinner with Ricky's parents and the party at Ashlyn's after that. His dad had let them sleep in the same room surprisingly, and it wasn’t like either of them were going to break his trust._

_"Hey," Ricky broke the silence. "Can I ask you something?"_

_"Of course, babe," EJ smiled in the dark, locking his gaze with Ricky's a second later._

_Ricky intertwined their fingers and leaned in to see his boyfriend better in the dim light. "This is probably stupid, but—"_

_"I'm sure it's not," EJ interrupted him, gesturing for him to go on after a moment of silence._

_"What if I move into your apartment this fall?" Ricky waited for a response, but EJ was silent, probably still taking it all in. "Since I'll go to CalArts and you'll still be studying at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. It would take only half an hour for me to go to school from your apartment and—"_

_"Yes."_

_Ricky stopped talking suddenly. "What?"_

_"Yes, I want you to move in my apartment, Ricky."_

_Ricky felt his heart missing a beat, and his eyes blinked in the dark. All he could do was lean on his boyfriend and leave an innocent kiss on his lips. He felt EJ's smile, and he was pulled into a tight hug right after. EJ's breath was slowing down, and Ricky could tell he was falling asleep._

_"We should go to bed," he whispered, and EJ nodded against his head. They got up, not even bothering to put on more comfortable clothes as they both got under the covers. Before they could fall asleep, Ricky heard EJ whisper three little words._

_"I love you."_

_His heart skipped a beat, or at least he thought it did. His eyes were now shut, and the only thing he could think of was that strange feeling of fear taking over him. But then he remembered he was in his bed, in EJ's arms, and that he always felt a warmth in his chest when his boyfriend was next to him. Not knowing that the other had already fallen asleep, he took a deep breath in._

_"I love you, too."_

**_Because I love your handshake_ **

**_Meetin' my father_**

_A knock sounded at the door, and Ricky immediately ran downstairs. His heart was racing, and he wasn't able to slow it down. There was still time to change their plans for that night, right? With a shaking sigh, he opened the door and met EJ's eyes. They were breathtaking as always, but there was something different. Ricky just couldn't pinpoint what._

_"Hey, babe," EJ greeted, taking a step forward and leaving a chaste kiss on his lips. "You nervous?"_

_"A li'l bit," he answered. "Are you?"_

_"Nah." But Ricky knew he was lying and playing it cool to make him feel better. Nervousness, that was what he had seen in EJ's eyes._

_It wasn’t long before Ricky's father appeared behind them, a bold and friendly smile on his face. "Hi. You must be EJ."_

_"Uhm, yeah. Nice to meet you, sir." He offered him that charming smile Ricky had seen play out several times before, along with a firm hand._

_"Call me Mike," his father answered, shaking EJ's hand. "Wow, you have a pretty strong handshake, huh?" he added_

_EJ laughed nervously, not knowing if that was a thing to be proud or ashamed of, and Ricky, feeling his discomfort by his side, reached out his right hand and took EJ's free one, trying to go unseen by his dad. He immediately felt his boyfriend relaxing at that familiar and reassuring touch, and saw a hint of a smile on his face._

_"Dinner's ready. Shall we eat?" his dad asked. EJ nodded. "Hope you have a good appetite, son, 'cause Ricky really did a great job."_

_Before going into the kitchen, EJ put a warm hand on Ricky's wrist. "You cooked?"_

_Ricky blushed. "I was definitely_ not _going to tell you."_

_"Why not? I think that's cute." And with that, the ghost of a smile now on his lips, EJ left him in the hall with his cheeks burning. And it might sound stupid, and it was probably just something he had invented, but Ricky knew in that moment that EJ was the right one._

**_I love how you walk_ **

**_with your hands in your pockets_**

_"What are we gonna do tonight?" asked Ricky in a whisper. They were on EJ's bed, and it was cuddle night. Ricky loved cuddle nights: they usually spent them on the couch, or on the bed, listing a lot of things they could do but actually doing nothing._

_"How about playing video games? You choose," EJ whispered back._

_"Nope. It's boring playing with you because I always beat you."_

_"Hey, not true!" he exclaimed, starting to mess with Ricky's curls._

_Ricky chuckled. It was true. "Would that be so bad if we watched a horror film?"_

_"No way, Rick."_

_"Admit it: you're scared of them!"_

_"What do you have against me?" EJ complained, but Ricky knew he was smiling. "Do you hate me?"_

_"Yeah, but luckily for you, you're cute." Ricky glanced over his shoulder and saw EJ blush. He didn't think he'd ever seen EJ Caswell_ blush _. And he didn't know how he'd survived all those years without that view._

_"Let's go out for a walk," said EJ, sitting up and changing the subject very quickly. Ricky could only nod; he would've done anything to see his boyfriend comfortable._

_Both of them got up after a beat of silence, making their way downstairs. After putting their coats on, they stepped out into the cold, fresh air of the night. There was a cool breeze as they walked on the sidewalk, and Ricky tried to fight the shivers that were running down his back. EJ didn't seem to notice. He had his hands in his pockets, and he was humming a familiar melody. The dim light of the street lamps were drawing shadows on his face, and Ricky smiled unconsciously. He was the luckiest man on Earth._

**_How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something_ **

**_There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions_**

_It was a typical Friday night. Couch, popcorn, a musical that he had already watched a few hundred times, and last but not least, his beautiful boyfriend. Ricky couldn't have asked for anything better, to be honest. EJ's eyes were following the gracious moves of Belle on the screen, and his hand was on Ricky's knee. Ricky loved_ Beauty and the Beast _, but loved observing his boyfriend even more, especially when he was trying to concentrate. He had that cute expression on his face that Ricky just couldn't get over, and he bit his lip unconsciously, running his free hand through his dark hair._

_"Hey, babe," EJ said at some point, shifting his gaze from the movie to him. Ricky loved how EJ called him with those common nicknames for couples, even though it was cheesy. He was literally taking up all the couch, and had his legs on EJ's lap. EJ had a worried look on his face, which made him look even cuter than before. "Something wrong?"_

_Ricky shook his head no, and sat up to leave a kiss on EJ's cheek. "It's just that... I don't know, I love this. Movie nights and all. I want this to last forever. And—"_

_Suddenly, he felt a pair of lips on his. They were soft but tasted like salt because of the popcorn. Ricky was surprised at first, but he was used to that. EJ had that nasty habit of kissing him when he was still talking. And God, how annoying that was. But God, how much he loved it at the same time._

**_So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep_ **

**_And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe_ **

**_And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are_**

He sat on the cold floor, his eyes so full of tears he wasn't able to see properly. He was still hurting, but he didn't want to be anymore. And he was angry, because he was weak. EJ was gone, and Ricky didn't know how to stop loving him after all that time.

 _Fuck_ , he thought, and that was what he had been thinking every day for the past six months. _Fuck EJ, it's all his fault._

"Dinner's ready!" yelled his father from downstairs. But Ricky wasn't hungry. He wanted to lay down on his bed—or a bed in general—and not to think of anything. But he couldn't, could he? He couldn't just lay down and not think of anything, because EJ was always there, in his mind. And it was _so_ annoying. Ricky hated him. He hated what EJ was for him, he hated that they had shared so much, he hated that he was still in love.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he pulled it out. The screen lit up his face, and Ricky closed his eyes as a consequence. When he lowered the brightness of his phone and he was able to see again, he scrolled down his notifications.

 **Big Red:** sorry, i didn't mean to bring ej up, call me

 **Gina:** i'm free on saturday, do you want to meet up?

 **Carlos:** hey long time no see. gina, seb and i are hanging out on saturday, lemme know if you're down for it!

He exhaled heavily and opened Instagram. The first picture in his feed was posted by EJ. He was with his New York friends, and they were standing in front of a theater, some of them pointing at the title of the play that Ricky had never even heard of before. EJ was smiling with his arms around two boys. He seemed happy. Ricky couldn't stop a tear from falling down and getting his cheeks wet. He missed the days when they were happy together, when EJ was still in love with him, when their apartment in Los Angeles was still full of life.

He opened the chat with Gina, trying to ignore Big Red's incoming messages, and he typed a real fast "sure." He thought of EJ's photo again. He sighed before writing another text. "How is EJ?" Before he could overthink it, he sent it, and instead of waiting for an answer, he got up and went downstairs.

**_So I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes_ **

**_All that I know is that I don't know how to be something you'd miss_**

Some hours later, Ricky was looking through the things he had left at his dad's house before going to college. There were some clothes, a stack of video games and some old CDs. But most importantly, there was a box with an inscription on the top. Ricky mouthed the words, _High school memories._ With a lump in his throat, he opened the box and sat on the pavement to look at the things into it.

A varsity jacket. It was red and white, East High's colors. On the top left, there was a name sewn. EJ. Ricky held his breath, and felt the tears pressing to come out. No, he couldn't cry for EJ, he had told himself he wouldn't have again.

A hoodie, and the smell was unmistakable. Without a second thought, Ricky took off his sweater and wore EJ's hoodie and varsity jacket. The feeling was familiar and he felt warm and safe for the first time in a long time.

Did EJ miss him? Did EJ think of him from time to time? Did EJ cry on the floor thinking of him? The answer was no, because he had explained that to him. A week before leaving for New York, and the memory was still vivid in his mind.

**_Never thought we'd have a last kiss_ **

**_Never imagined we'd end like this_ **

**_Your name, forever the name on my lips_ **

**_Just like our last kiss_**

_"Hi, babe," exclaimed Ricky, entering the house and leaving a soft kiss on his boyfriend's cheek. The living room was warm and inviting, and EJ let him sit down on the couch, his arm around his shoulders. Ricky really lived for moments like that. When late February snow paints everything white and you can cuddle in front of the fireplace._

_"Ricky, can we talk?"_

_"Yeah, sure," Ricky replied carefully. EJ's tone wasn't exactly happy. He sat up and looked into the other's eyes. They were deep blue as always, but Ricky could tell something was off. He could tell there was a problem. "Is this about your dad?"_

_EJ shook his head no, their gazes still locked, their knees touching. His eyes, those beautiful eyes that Ricky loved, began to fill with tears. At that sight, Ricky felt a pain in his chest, and bit his lower lip before wrapping his arms around his boyfriend, holding him tightly and leaving little kisses on his shoulder. Before EJ could say anything, Ricky raised his head and kissed him slowly. It was sweet, and Ricky wanted to stay like that forever. Why did things always have to change?_

_EJ gently put his hands on his shoulders and pushed him away with all the sweetness he was capable of in that moment. He took Ricky's hand in his and played with one of the rings without a word for a few moments. Then, five words hit Ricky like a wrecking ball._

_"I don't love you anymore."_

His dad opened the door and knelt in front of him. "Ricky…," he began.

Through the tears, Ricky managed to hug his dad, but he couldn't stop himself from sobbing. "I still love him, Dad. I still love EJ."


End file.
